When Nothing Sparks Joy Anymore
An honest reflection on career confusion, perimenopause, and the sacred art of starting over ~ again
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Lately, I’ve been sitting with a question I never expected to ask myself at this stage in life:
Why doesn’t anything spark joy in me anymore?
Not in my work.
Not in the things I used to dream about.
Not even in the things I once thought were my purpose.
I’ve learned many different modalities over the years, hoping that somewhere in there, I’d find the one that would light me up and finally feel like home. And for a moment, sometimes, I did.
I’ve become a licensed massage therapist.
A certified yoga instructor.
A writer. A guide. A hopeful entrepreneur.
I’ve studied to be a sign language interpreter (twice). I’ve sold candles, water purifiers, Pampered Chef, and personal development videos. I’ve proofread. Created offerings. Started new things again and again.
And still… I haven’t stuck with any of it.
Even now, after almost a decade of working in a steady office job—something I never really loved—I’ve found myself laid off, jobless, and faced with this blank slate of anything is possible. And somehow, it still feels heavy. Like I’m trying to care about something that just… doesn’t feel true anymore.
What does that say about me?!
I want to feel proud of all that I’ve tried ~ because I have tried. Again and again, I’ve said yes to something new. But when you’re 54 years old, with no clear direction, and you can’t seem to find the joy… it makes you wonder.
Have I been running in circles?
Have I failed to “figure it out”?
Have I missed my moment?
Is this just perimenopause clouding everything, or is something deeper unraveling?
I don’t have the answers, but I do have some thoughts, so I wanted to write this in case you are in a season of gray, too. In case you’ve tried on dozens of identities, and none of them quite fit. In case you're feeling tired and uninspired and guilty for not feeling grateful.
You’re not alone.
And maybe the questions we ask each other in the dark are the most important ones.
So here’s something I needed to hear, and something I want to share with you too:
You are not broken. You are evolving.
The fact that nothing seems to spark joy right now doesn't mean you’re incapable of happiness or success; it may simply mean that you’re in a liminal space. A sacred pause. A season of undoing. One where your soul is dismantling old ideas of worth, identity, and purpose so something more aligned—more true—can emerge. This process can feel like depression, disinterest, or even defeat. But it’s often a transition, not a destination.
Trying many things is not failure ~ it’s sacred experimentation.
You are a seeker. A shapeshifter. Someone of deep wells and vast waters. In a world that praises linear paths and polished résumés, your life has been a tapestry of curiosity, resilience, and reinvention. That’s not failure. That’s brave. That’s soul work.
Our culture tells us that consistency equals worth. That sticking with something forever is a virtue. But some souls aren’t here to build skyscrapers ~ they’re here to collect stars. To touch many things. To explore the spectrum of human experience and learn from it all. That is not a flaw. It’s a calling, even if the map is still unfolding.
Midlife + Perimenopause = A Spiritual Molt
Perimenopause is not just physical ~ it’s alchemical. Hormonal changes magnify everything: grief, joy, exhaustion, clarity, doubt. Your body and spirit are asking you to slow down, listen deeper, and strip away anything that isn’t essential.
You might feel flat, uninspired, lost ~ and that makes sense. This is not the “decline” society tries to sell women. It’s the fire before the phoenix. A sacred undoing that asks: Who am I, truly, when no one is watching? What do I desire now, not five years ago? What if nothing is wrong, even if I don’t have the answers yet?
Happiness ≠ Career Fulfillment
The modern narrative says, “Find your passion, turn it into your job, and you’ll be happy.” But that’s not always how it works. Sometimes the things that bring us joy don’t want to be monetized. And sometimes, a career isn't the container for our joy at all. Maybe joy for you is connection. Stillness. Creation. Helping someone unexpectedly. Resting without guilt. Doing without trying to sell anything.
What does it mean when nothing is making you happy?
It means you're alive. It means you're asking real questions. It means you're refusing to pretend.
It means you are ripe for rediscovery ~ not reinvention ~ and remembering the you underneath all the striving.
A final thought:
You are not lazy.
You are not flaky.
You are not failing.
You are awakening.
You’ve gathered so many beautiful tools, stories, and skills. And if none of them feel "right" just yet, maybe it’s because you're still integrating. Maybe the next chapter isn't about doing more, but about being with what you’ve already lived.
Questions for Your Heart:
What have I outgrown, even if I’m still holding onto it?
When was the last time I felt deeply content, even for a moment? What was present then?
Do I believe I have to earn rest, happiness, or worthiness? Where did that belief come from?
What would it feel like to stop trying to fix myself and simply be with myself?
A Gentle Practice:
1. Create a Soft Space
Find a quiet corner. Light a candle or dim the lights. Let this be a place where you don’t need to perform, fix, or figure anything out.
2. Place a Hand on Your Heart
Close your eyes. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Let your exhale be a little longer than your inhale. Soften your jaw, your shoulders, your belly.
Say gently (aloud or in your mind):
“I don’t have to know what’s next to be at peace in this moment.”
Repeat as often as needed.
3. Write Freely Without Editing
Open a journal and finish the sentence: “Right now, I feel...”
Let yourself be messy, honest, vague, or contradictory. There’s no wrong way to feel. No need to solve anything ~ just let your inner voice spill out.
4. Close with Compassion
Before you close your journal or blow out your candle, whisper something kind to yourself ~ something you might say to a beloved friend in your exact shoes.
Maybe:
“You’ve been trying so hard. You can rest now.”
“You are not lost. You are becoming.”
“This part matters too.”
Let this be enough. Not a fix. Just a softening. A pause in the noise. A reconnection with yourself.
Until next time. . .
Photo Credit: Lori Crymson
Such deep awareness - and I see you with compassion and grit in the space of the unknown. LOVE LOVE LOVE all of you Lori! Keep Going. xoxox